A good friend was going through a difficult situation with her husband. She had begun to wonder if there really is such a thing as “unconditional love” or was it just a fantasy she had been sold.
My dear friend, yes, there is. But I’m afraid it may be a little different from what you think it is.
Many of us think “unconditional love” means that the couple is in a constant state of “being in love” (think: butterflies!) and that the couple is so in sync that they agree on how to do things and where to go, etc, and that the couple always wants to be with their partner and is never distracted by another person (I mean like a romantic love interest) and that the couple puts their partner first in their life. And that these things are a constant… for-ever!! Gosh, I wish. That is such a little girl’s dream (and perhaps a little boy’s too… don’t know). Unfortunately, this idea is an unrealistic fantasy; however many of us approach relationships with this somewhere deep in our head and heart.
Yes, “unconditional love” is truly a thing, but allow me to shed some light and honesty about it. First let’s dispel what it’s not. It is not about being the perfect partner, nor expecting the perfect partner.
Unconditional love does exist; but it’s about always loving the other person even when you’re mad about their behavior. It doesn’t mean you condone it. It doesn’t mean what happened is just fine and you forget all about it. It doesn’t mean one person, or both, may not have hurt feelings about something.
The key and point is that the love you feel for the person really is unconditional. The conditions don’t change the love. It doesn’t mean that life is perfect all the time. Meaning you still actually love that person despite the fact that we are all imperfect human beings and we all make mistakes, major and minor. The uncondition about it is that you work with each other to come back to a safe, happy state after things go wrong, and that both partners work to maintain it anyway (meaning actively putting forth effort). The love part is the bond and the reason it’s worth working through something.
Now, this also means some maturity is required. When I say “working through something” and “actively putting forth effort to maintain”, I mean communication, compromise and often sympathy (meaning understanding your partner well enough to know how they feel). It can be very hard to come talk to someone who has hurt you and express your feelings about it. It is also very hard to face someone and admit you’ve made a mistake and ask for forgiveness, as well as asking how you can fix things. Maturity is essential in these situations: 1- to actually get yourself to do it. 2- to do it in a respectful manner, without being hurtful in return (adding to the unsafe energy already engulfing the situation). Communication is essential. And communicating through feelings of sadness and unsafety is a hard thing. This is where the unconditional bond is important; without that love bond, it soon becomes too hard to bare emotionally and not worth working through.
If you truly have unconditional love for someone you have patience with them and with yourself. You realize that this might be a difficult time to get through but are willing to stay in the room and be patient while you and/or the other person might struggle to vocalize what they have inside them. Maturity is understanding that ups and downs will always be a part of life. May we strive to love unconditionally. May we respond with respect.
As an aside, just because you may feel love in an unconditional way for your partner, does not mean it will be mutual or reciprocated. Have respect for yourself and your partner and maturity enough to know appropriate boundaries and seek help when needed.
Bliss and Abundance!!!
Hope Grace Roe 🙂
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