Hi! I’m straight, also known as heterosexual. Yes, I’m a woman and I prefer being with a man. I feel great about being straight. Okay, how weird would it be if I or any heterosexual person went around saying stuff like that. Weird!
So why do we expect homosexual people to be that expressive about their own preferences? And no… they’re not all that open and expressive about it! If I went around saying stuff like that, it makes me a little weird; so then normal might be to just go about my day doing the tasks necessary for life, like going to my job and picking up some groceries at the store and walking my dog and going home to my partner and spending a private evening together. Would you expect me to talk about my private evening with my partner the next day at work, no. You’d expect me to keep personal, private things to myself.
“LA Pride” in honor of the LGBT community was celebrated the weekend of June 6-8, 2014. There was much talk around town about the upcoming celebration and you could find t-shirts and other “Pride” swag everywhere.
A few weeks before this, I was invited to a hot-tub party. My friend, the gracious host, had recently moved into a new apartment that had a roof-top hot-tub and hosted us for a party to show off and enjoy his new digs. I was excited for a Hot Friday Night Date. Boo Yah… I had 7 hot men in a hot-tub all to myself. Oh wait, they were all gay and I was the only heterosexual there. I’ll be honest, I enjoy the eye-candy anyway!
As we drank and chatted the conversation somehow turned to a particular t-shirt we had all seen in honor of the upcoming Gay Pride weekend. The general opinion amongst the boys was that they didn’t like what it said because it was too overt about being gay. Granted it was likely only made in response to the upcoming event; however, they preferred being a bit more subtle about their preferences. It was surmised that a straight person had come up with the design and wording.
They all talked about this and I just listened, being the only straight person there I was curious to know how they all felt so I would have more awareness of a world / perspective so different from my own.
I had a sudden epiphany and something worthy to contribute to the conversation. I realized that most straight folk don’t usually know much about the LGBT community and thus their perspective is limited.
Many straight people see gay people on tv or movies portrayed as being very flamboyant and overt about who they are and how they are. Certainly there are people out there who are flamboyant and enthusiastic about their own Gay Pride. This is hard not to notice. Thus if this is someone’s only experience of a world so different from their own, it’s not too odd to see that they may come to the conclusion that all homosexual people are like this.
Sometimes we forget that humans come in many different forms. Many people within the LGBT community are not flamboyant and just want to quietly live their lives and keep their private, personal things… private and personal. They don’t feel the need to talk about their preferences or flaunt anything for others to see. They want to go to work and do their jobs without interference or interruption. They want to go to the store and pick up groceries, and walk their dogs, and live their lives just like any straight person does. Without need or inclination to discuss their private, personal preferences. Just like straight folk do.
If straight folk do know someone who is gay it would depend on how close they are to that person to how broad their understanding might be of this different world. If that relationship is not very close they may be making an effort to relate and include, but have no other reference of how to do so, other than making a big deal about Gay Pride.
I’ve probably done similar things in an effort to be supportive and inclusive, but not really having a clue as to the best way to do so. I’ll admit I have had to ask, as respectfully as possible, what words to use for my transgender friend. I’ve also searched for documentaries to narrow my ignorance gap. Gratefully there is quite a lot of information out there now-a-days. I am still learning what is appropriate and what hurts feelings.
I do not run my posts by anyone. However, I did run this by a few friends of the LBGT community and I’m pleased it was approved. I quote a friend, ” If a straight person writes a book or makes a t-shirt about LGBT people, it should be no shock that they will simplify or misrepresent the group. They do not have the experience, exposure, or identity as an LGBT person. [The intentions might obviously be benevolent, but the solution, I argue, is to incorporate many diverse voices to more accurately portray a community.]” Also mentioned to me was that it’s appropriate to politely “ask how someone identifies and allow that person the freedom to express themselves the way they want to.” Wise words, I think!
May we keep open minds about how people feel. May we ask respectful questions when we are unsure how to act or speak. May we remember that we are all different in unique ways and that is what makes the world a colorfully dynamic place to live in.
I think Macklemore put it well: “Bunch of stereotypes all in my head…”
Bliss and Abundance!!!
Hope Grace Roe
